Designed to Be Kind: Why We Are More Social Than Selfish, Why Healthcare Workers Need More Than the COVID Vaccine. Within a couple of weeks she stopped teaching the class. It’s not quirky. Chronic tardiness (in healthy people: those who do not have a disabling mental or physical disorder) is a bad habit that shows a lack of maturity, or a narcissistic streak, or a rebellious streak. But mutual respect is part of being a good friend. Don’t rely on them for anything important, like bringing the cake or presentation slides, in case they’re late. The question is 'why?'" What does it mean when someone says their "late" relative? It is, of course, impossible to arrive on time each and every time. Narcissists are loathe to acknowledge that *everyone's* time is important and valuable to them: just exactly as important and valuable as your own time is to you. Now you see, i like to keep people like you waiting for me, just because I know they would be pissed. Personally i think you are mistakenly on the wrong website. Wrok situation is different--though this person amkes a good point--arriving for a meeting 15 minutes early is just as wasteful as arriving late. 85% Upvoted. “He Had High Self-Esteem and Didn’t Ask Who I’d Slept With”, 3 Simple Questions Screen for Common Personality Disorders, Predicting Infidelity from Precise Personality Sub-Traits, How to Negotiate Sex in Your Relationship, Psychology Today © 2020 Sussex Publishers, LLC, The Rise of COVID-19 Vaccine Selfies on Social Media, Eating Disorders in Gender-Expansive Individuals. Being five or ten minutes late isn't typically a big deal (unless it's to a movie or concert), but when people are regularly twenty or thirty minutes late it can really inconvenience others and becomes frustrating, making the person unpleasant to invite to things. When I’m at home working, I hate when there’s something on my schedule that I have to stop everything to go outside and do. So why does this second group hate to be early? While running late might not be ideal, it does happen, and sometimes it's really, truly, legitimately not your fault. It, finally, is enough to arrive on time!! The bottom line for me is this: depending on the circumstances, I'll be early, on time, or late to a meeting. You should check out psychiatrytoday.com i think you misspelled on the browser tab. Controllers, they control nothing but upset and unhappiness, while under the illusion of "being on top" when they're problem creators rather than solvers, through performing nothing more than incessant whining. But on days when I get nothing done, my brain throws a little tantrum, saying, “No! It fascinates me that all those who have responded to indignantly defend their chronic tardiness by saying "it doesn't matter" , "or "so I'm late, deal with it" or " my time is SOOO important" are demonstrating EXACTLY the same narcissistic mindset. Each of us has lived a life so far, full of rich experiences where each person we encounter will have left an impression, big or small. I think (just a humble opinion) is that it's probably respectful to strive to be on time, but that we can all, punctual or not, learn to be merciful when others are tardy. May your days be filled with untimely interruption and surprise changes, my friend. save. There nothing wrong with being narcissistic and be proud of who you are and what you do. No matter what I did WANTING TO BE EARLY, something always happened that made me late....out of my control. This dream often occurs when we force ourselves to do things, but somehow everything always turns bad. I would NEVER arrive at a dinner party 15 minutes early and expect to be admitted. I would say, "You can trust me, I won't let you down.". Why not build in an arrival time for all appointments--say 15 minutes "get acquainted time" and put a stop to judgmental thinking? Another way is letting others know if you are being unavoidably detained so they can go ahead and eat or whatever, instead of becoming sick with worry wondering what happened to you. And thanks for providing examples of your passive-aggressive mind-set. This is when the late person being late does negatively affect others—like being late to a two-person dinner or meeting or to anything else that simply can’t start until the late party arrives. Told her that was a poor excuse. My friend Andrew recently sent me a link to a story titled “Optimistic People All Have One Thing in Common: They’re Always Late.”. (Sometimes I think that if I was a ninja, I'd still get to places dreadfully early, yet would be comforted by the fact that since I was a ninja no one could tell if I was there.). The result; however, seemed to be that I'd be more inclined to be late. Just stopped them from being 10-15 or more minutes late for every shift. But whoever know me they know they can set the clock by me. When she finally arrived, she always felt terrible. An article in USA Today discussed the cost of tardiness for CEOs. Unlike you, I don't have that infantile need to assert narcissistic dominance by being deliberately (and passive-aggressively) late. I am coming from an extremely poor family and a poor country , i paid everything from my pocket. I understand that as a narcissist, it's difficult for you to grasp the concept that your friends' time is just exactly as valuable as your own time: your time and their time are equal in value. So....yeah. It's rude, lazy and absolutely useless to a team effort. Fine. Gosh, it's a wonder you had time to leave your comment, windbag! In a matter of fact i am always on time, never late, but never early. I far more care about the quality tha quantity. I could have not said it better ...glad you did! Answer Save. Chronically Late People Aren't Trying to Annoy or Disrespect You. Another word for late. 2. Lack of concern for the needs and feelings of others is a hallmark trait of narcissism, and/or other disorders. And you are NOT owning it. Though desperately wanting to break the habit, the conflicting motivation to not be late or early poses a real problem. But If you believe that your own comfort and convenience ALWAYS deserve top priority, and that gives you the right to be late most of the time, whenever it suits you, and so what if your lateness spoils your friends' enjoyment of planned social events, then you are DE FACTO narcissistic. But RE minor spelling, grammar or punctuation errors... Meh. What happened 4 years ago to change that dynamic? Thinking your time is more valuable than others. And Anonymous A, you strike me as the most narcissistic person in this whole forum. And not every should be forced to be on time if they can't or choose not to. In my head, it’s eternally a five-minute task. It is extremely difficult to have effective time management with a 13 month old, a 10 year old, an autistic child, and a schizophrenic one. Why are so many people drawn to conspiracy theories in times of crisis? Killing time during the layover, she got distracted on a long phone call and missed that flight too. I hope your narcissism doesn't backfire on you, but it likely will. However, you are entitled to your opinion however rude it is. These anti-early birds really want to be punctual—they just prefer to be right on time. I never saidthat iiam chronically late. You really are full of yourself. I always tell her good thing her eyes were crap and she couldn't join the Air Force to be a pilot. Those of you who are chronically extremely late and selfishly expect, even demand, that others will always just graciously adapt to YOUR lack of planning and inability to manage your time well, plus you are never even sorry for being So rude, and get all snippy, defensive and angry when your friends point out that this is a chronic Behavior of yours..... Well, then that is the behavior of a narcissist. All the successful people I've ever known or worked with have an underlying humanity about them that includes caring about other people, and one way to express caring is not making other people wait on you. I have learned to be patient. We recommend our users to update the browser. If I knew something was coming up, I'd keep my eye on the clock constantly worrying about how much time I still had to make it "on time" (which, at that time, meant being early). It's hard to get anything done, and it makes everything take longer. The most common include: While many individuals see being early as a virtue, many others don’t. It's a choice. Group 2) Those who feel terrible about it and are filled with self-loathing. Like a couple of minutes or very late? We’ve Got Depression All Wrong. 1 decade ago. My bio family knows my position on inexcusable tardiness. Some people apologize as a way of showing courtesy or to gain approval for how “nice” they are. While both groups of not-OK-late people end up regularly frustrating others, punctual people tend to misunderstand Group 2, whom I’ll call CLIPs (Chronically Late Insane Persons). Most of us know people who are always on time because they hate being late. Like the article mentioned, I also aim at being on time instead of hanging around 20-30 minutes early just to give the impression of not being "rude", "disrespectful", "insulting", or "selfish". * Being less than 10 minutes late or less than 10 minutes early is fine, not weird or extreme. The point, again, is that being on time is thoughtful, polite, and respectful of the needs and feelings of others, and being chronically extremely late or chronically extremely early is just weird, even rude (particularly if it's a formal dinner or party event in someone's home) and rather passive-aggressive or covertly hostile. The Real Reason Why Some People Are Always Late To Work. ), etc. That leaves us with the problem of motivation: How can an anti-early bird just bite the bullet and risk being early to be on time? That is just as disrespectful, insulting and selfish. “They believe they can fit more tasks into a limited amount of time than other people and thrive when they’re multitasking. Bella Wolffe. (That was in 2002; just think what a similar late arrival could cost today.) It’s not unusual for us to meet someone from our past every now and then. Vesper, at least you are owning your grandiose narcissism, good for you. I was reading google results because my wife's name is Vicki. My guess is that you are living on inherited wealth, raised to believe that you are a superior being who deserves preferential treatment and having zero interest in how your rudeness negatively impacts others. You can be a perpetual child or lead a parasitic lifestyle more easily when you have no real responsibilities. I might ARRIVE 15 minutes early and wait for the appointed time, but would NEVER intentionally impost on my hosts. May your every interaction be "not to your satisfaction" to the point you spontaneously combust and implode concurrently. some people think that our thought process has no particular reason and can be completely random. Yeah you're right, i am owning it. What does the amount of time someone takes to text you back mean? It is hard to reconcile these two competing ideals. If those four well-paid employees arrived 15 minutes before Weill got to the meeting, that still would have cost the company $4,250 in wasted time. when the event starts at 8am he shows up at 8:02. (Often, when one gets to a place early, he or she decides, "Next time I will give myself less time to get here.”), The solution to actually fixing the habit, then, is not to think about ways to be on time but rather to think about how to make being early more valuable. Now, unless a person who is habitually late considers their non-punctuality a virtue, and derives pleasure from that self-admiration, I would say they don't qualify as narcissistic. I am not a latecomer, mainly because I fear the judgment of those that would think ill of me if I were late. You demonstrate that in accusing me of being a narcissist and a person who is perpetually late (I do not believe I demonstrated the former in my original comment, and certainly not the latter - I am quite punctual). Some ways people can be unreliable are: They're frequently late. If you are ignored within more intimate circles, such as family and friends, you may feel like you have done something wrong. You are no one to justify myself. Was it due to now banned medications my mother’s doctor prescribed? My sister once missed a flight, so they rescheduled her for the following morning. They have problems. For the punctually challenged, this basic motivation drives behavior whether consciously or unconsciously. So, it seems to me that you have a problem taking orders or simply being cooperative when someone else needs you to do things their way. The point, again, is that being on time is thoughtful, polite, and respectful of the needs and feelings of others, and being chronically extremely late or chronically extremely early is just weird, even rude (if it's a formal dinner or party event in someone's home) and rather passive-aggressive or covertly hostile. Emotionally mature people discuss any problems they're having openly and directly (and respectfully) with each other, but immature, narcissistic, passive-aggressive types prefer to show their hostility covertly, or indirectly, such as being late particularly when it's clearly important to your friend (or your boss, your spouse, whatever) for you to be on time. So, don't be surprised or upset if you eventually alienate your social circle. But those who get a little thrill from engaging in passive-aggressive hostile behaviors like chronic tardiness, and even perhaps feel justified or entitled to their chronic tardiness, seem to lack that basic warmth of human kindness. All this supposed paranoia of being early is very much centered around the feelings of the person arriving, with no consideration being taken for the host or teacher,etc. All I know is my entire life (I’m now 58) I’ve been challenged when it comes to time, including early childhood. and the inconveniences they suffer when people are late to an event. I’m sure each CLIP is insane in his or her own special way. Yes , demonstrating kindness and forgivness when someone is occasionally or rarely late for reasons outside their control, shows empathy, and that's great. When you're chronically extremely late or extremely early you're being rude and/or creepy. Then it's on YOU to put your foot down and reach a compromise with your bully of a husband, such as agreeing to be ten minutes early (or on time) from now on. And just to show you how narcissistic i am i wont even bother to read your reply cuz i don't care. 203 1 1 gold badge 2 2 silver badges 6 6 bronze badges. * Arriving chronically extremely late to work or to meetings at work is just stupid because it will probably get you fired. Yawn. I get to places embarrassingly early, which sometimes requires me to park my car around the corner and wait surreptitiously just so others don’t notice the real time I arrived. When you ask someone why they are perpetually late, they will often inform you that the typical or assumed reasons do not necessarily explain their habit. Get a life. I am just gonna be the smarter one here and leave you to argue with yourself, because probably you dont have with who other to talk. One of the most obvious and common reasons that people are frequently late is that they simply fail to accurately judge how long a task will take - something known as the planning fallacy. I'd like to add an additional perspective as someone who preferred to be early in the past, and who now has a tendency to be late (for certain types of events). The worse I feel about my productivity that day, the more likely I am to be late. Remember, your friend or coworker or … And it's hard for you to understand that one of the ways that friends show that they care about each other's needs and feelings is to strive to be on time and not keep your friends waiting. And it certainly doesn’t mean you just “like to stop and smell the roses.” Let’s call it what it is: if you’re routinely late, you are rude and inconsiderate. So I told her that being late EVERY Sunday was disrespectful to Jesus and the class. I have an irrational resistance to the transition. I had an accident, which left me very beat up. Why does he take so long to text back? Being responsive and caring about the needs of others has served me well over the years; I've had (still having) a long and satisfying career. 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